thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
