FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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