Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
