I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
