benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
