Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
