Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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