I want to make a zoo with you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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