Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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