with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
