She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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