If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
