i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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