8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
