I am full of burrito and curiosity
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
