im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Shame - the story of my life.
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