I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
