oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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