this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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