It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
