just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He shit in the fireplace
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
