We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
