Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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