I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
