I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
