Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
