wanna go halves on a baby?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
