Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
