note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
