he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
