I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
