Apparently you make a good broom.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my being single is dangerous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
