Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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