he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
