I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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