I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
