you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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