He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
