8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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