i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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