I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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