i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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