how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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