Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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