her vagine was all disorganized.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
