i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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