i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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