There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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