I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
