Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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