he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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