I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sober January is a disaster.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
