then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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