He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
