If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
