I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
