It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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