his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize