I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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