What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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