i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
