I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
