I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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