Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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