I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
