as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
