Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
