i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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