Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
