she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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