Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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