Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
