last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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