i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My nipple is on Facebook.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
