i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's always time for handjobs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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