I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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