does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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