I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
