And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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