i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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