All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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