dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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