whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
