I'm so fucking centered right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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