What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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