i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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